Closed Heart Kurōzudohāto
by KinnaElrod
Summary: Mariko Aihime, for the past 2 years, has been the model kunoichi, but only because she had refused to let allow anything happening, or repeating. Her fears over ruled her life and now something huge hs happened. Will her past keep her down? ch7/8:mature?
1. Chapter 1

The academy wasn't what it used to be.

It used to seem bigger and cooler to me back when I attended, but now that I'm standing here, it seems so small and foreign.

Little children only about the age of seven were all in a neat little line as their Chūnin instructor lead and monitored them to the track.

A small smile crept on my face as one of the young girls looked over to me and smiled, and waved.

I waved in return, noticing a boy looking over to me, as well.

The little formation filed into the enclosed track, letting them out of my sight.

"It's been about nine years since we first started here." Said a deep voice.

I wasn't startled. I felt his presence from the moment he was there. Why let him know I acknowledged his presence if he knew as well as I did he was there?

"And we earned them five years back." I replied to him.

I looked up through the corner of my eye to see Kuromaru crouching down on a branch, marveling at our old school.

He chuckled. "Now look at us. We'll be Jōnin soon. We'll be protecting them and the rest of our village."

I smiled up at him. Kuromaru has always been a bit poetic.

His messy black hair wisped gently in the wind, revealing our village's symbol.

We took pride in the Leaf village. We would fight until the very end for it. As a matter of fact, that's exactly what we'd do and have done.

Just a year after we graduated from the academy, Kuromaru and I had another team mate in our cell. What I thought would be the greatest shinobi of our time would be loved his village more than he cared for himself and sacrificed himself.

Now, he has a replacement. One of which whom I regret to know.

Kuromaru hopped down from the branch and next to me. "Come on, Mariko, we have to meet up with Sensei. Enough memories for today."

-Meeting Place-

Masato was already waiting for us and Sensei on the bridge rail.

He chuckled under his breath when he saw us coming.

"Looks like I'm the early bird again." He rubbed in.

I rolled my eyes. I saw Hiro Sensei heading our way, his hands in his pockets as usual.

He was Kuromaru's uncle, it just so happens. They even have the same hair style. Sensei's eyes were green, though, instead of black like Kuromaru's. Sensei is actually just five years older than us, which is strange since usually most Jōnin sensei's start out in their mid or late twenties. He started out about our age, sixteen or seventeen. Not really good with math.

Sensei stopped by our group. "Good morning. I assume you all had good sleep last night, right?"

Kuromaru chuckled. "Not after you barged in my house and started a ruckus."

Sensei laughed a long. "Sorry, your mother is very persistant."

I shook my head, smiling a bit. "I don't even want to know."

Masato hopped off the railing. "So what mission are we doing?"

Hiro Sensei shook his head, smiling up a storm. "No mission. Hokage-dono wants us to take a break. We had an awfully long mission so we have this whole week off."

I became confused. "Then why are we here?"

He looked to me with his goofy smile. "We're going camping. The four of us. Won't that be fun?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Hiro Sensei, you'd have to be joking. We sleep outside enough on missions, but for free time? Why would I want to be stuck with you three on my free time when I could be shopping or helping my mother with something."

"Well, that's the problem. We never spend any free time with one another. We know each other, but yet we don't really know each other. In example, none of us knows anything about Masato-san. We just know he's a smart ass."

I cringed. This was only getting worse.

I shook my head. "No way, I'm out of this. You three have some guy time or something, but I am _not_ going to spend a whole week, voluntarily, with the three of you."

I turned around and walked off. Kuromaru followed and I could hear Masato mutter _bitch_ under his breath as Sensei sighed.

Kuromaru sat beside me at Ichiraku Ramen Bar and the old man served me my ramen.

"I don't want anything, thank you." He told the old man and then focused on me.

"You know, you have to accept Masato sooner or later. He's been on the team for almost two years. Cut him some slack." He pleaded.

I stirred my ramen a bit, frustrated. "Why? He wasn't an original member of Team 3. He's not even a very good shinobi. He stinks, just like his attitude. He let the assasin get away and let you almost die."

I shook my head. "He doesn't belong."

I ate some of my ramen as Kuromaru sat there, thinking.

I was already half done when he started up again.

"He can only belong if you let him. It's not his fault he's stuck with us. His whole cell died in front of his eyes. He's trying to cope, too. His lost is much more recent than ours."

I put my chop sticks down. I hated it when he pointed that out or refers to him makes me want to break down. Anything that ever refers to Yori is like a taboo to me.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore..." I muttered to him.

Kuromaru stood up, rubbing my back a bit. "Think about it, okay?"

He left me and for a few minutes, I just sat there.

I told the old man I was done so he took my bowl and billed me. I paid and headed home. I could tell today would be horrible.

I opened the front door and let myself in.

The house was silent. Mother must still be sleeping.

I unhooked my shuriken pouch from my hip and placed it on the hall way table.

There was a note on the desk.

I knew I would regret it, but I picked it up and read it. It was from Hiro Sensei.

_We'll be leaving tomorrow. It's alright if you don't go, but I thought I'd let you know we'll leave at sunrise. Kuromaru and I would appreciate it if you saw us off. You never know if danger lies ahead._

_~Hiro Takahashi_

I rolled my eyes. "That won't work on me, Sensei." I mumbled under my breath.

I went to my room and changed into my civilian clothes, letting my brunette hair down and fluffed it a bit. It flowed down towards the bottom of my back, some of it resting on my shoulders.

I smiled. I felt like a feminine woman instead of a boyish brute. Being a kunoichi was wonderful and all, but I liked the normal girl side of me.

Grabbing my purse, I went into the kitchen and picked up the grocery list. I might as well start on my errands since I'll be doing nothing this week.

The market was very lively this morning. The more elderly people were chatting away to the shop keepers and fellow shinobi were walking the streets.

A whicker basket filled with all kinds of ingredients hung on my arm. I inhaled all of the aromas of the market, smiling to myself.

I went up to one of the stands, which had one of the other ingredients I needed.

I inspected the ginger carefully, seeing for myself to see if it would be good for tonight's dinner.

"Mariko-chan in a market? Well, this is strange." Said a familiar voice.

This time, I was startled.

I jumped, twisting around. Masato.

I glared at him. "What the heck!" I snapped at him.

He grinned. "Look at you. Traditional women's clothing, in the market doing errands. Outside of the shinobi world, you look like you have the potential to be a good wife."

I growled, turning around. I paid the shop keeper enough to take five gingers and put them in my basket, and walked away.

Masato followed. "So what are you making?"

I turned my head away from his, looking tall as I could with authority.

"How come I never see you around?" He asked.

Again, I ignored him.

He chuckled. He found it funny.

"Silent game, I see."

I only glanced at him, with a glare following, than returned to looking else where. Doing so, I stopped at my next destination at a new stand were I picked up a small bottle of sesame oil and paid that shop keeper, and kept on.

Masato watched me carefully. It was really starting to get on my nerves.

He followed me for another two stands. I had everything on my list. Finally.

I faced him. "Well. I'm done with my errands. Now I can go home and stay home, away from you. You can let Sensei know I will not see him or Kuromaru-kun off."

I walked passed him and started heading home. I still felt his chakra the whole way home.

When I got to my front door, I stopped and turned around, looking the direction he was. He was trying to hide behind a corner of the neighbors' house.

"Why are you trying to hide? You're such an idiot. You know I'm a sensor-type."

He revealed himself and walked over to me. He looked like he was full of curiosity. He kind of hovered over me.

"Why do you not like me?" He asked.

It sounded like he's finally lifted a burden off of himself. Like he was truly curious.

I huffed with agitation. "Because you're an idiotic moron who has no respect for anyone. You don't call someone a bitch and expect them to treat you kindly.

He suddenly looked embarrassed. "You heard that...?"

I shook my head, turning away from him and started to unlock my door. "You're ridiculous..." I muttered under my breath.

His chakra faded away. He finally left.

I walked inside my house and put the ingredients away.

I heard light footsteps come into the kitchen and I look to see my mother.

"You ran some errands?" She asked.

Nodding, I put the ginger up. "Yeah, thought I might as well start since I'm off this whole week."

I looked to her, she was cocking her eyebrow. "Really now? Your sensei stopped by earlier and told me you were all going to go camping. Why aren't you going?"

I sighed. "Because I have better things to do here rather than fooling around elsewhere."

She grinned. "Really? So you don't want to fool around with Kuromaru?"

I blushed, trying to look mad. "Why would I fool around with a team mate? It's not practical! I only associate with them on a business level."

No matter how hard I tried, mother always knew when I liked someone. And exactly knew who.

She remembers how I always crushed over the Kenji Uchiha back at the academy.

"You know, Kuromaru-kun does seem like a real nice boy. And why else would they set up only one girl to a cell? They do it to set us up. How else do you think I met your father?" She teased.

I looked down. "I don't want to marry a shinobi. There's too much of a risk."

Her happy mood disappeared. She realized she touched her own touchy subject and I only made it worse.

"Mariko, go to the camping trip. Your sensei even packed for you already."

That caught my attention.

"Sensei...? Packed my things...? As in... He touched my bras...?" I asked slowly, trying to imagine it.

I imagined him stretching my panties and making fun of my puppy-butt underwear.

She half-heartedly laughed, scratching the back of her head. "I guess it's too late to mention Kuromaru was also here..."

I gritted my teeth. "Miyazuki Aihime..." I called out, referring to her full name.

Hiro Sensei summoned all of us to the Supply Surplus Shop. Gee, I wonder what he wants.

Masato was just about to head into the store, but stopped in his tracks when he saw me.

"You actually came?" He snickered.

I put my snobby face on for size. "Yes, I did. Under the orders of my sensei."

He mocked me with his chuckle. "I see. Even though it will lead you to making you going camping with us?"

I pursed my lips. I glared to him. "Get out of my way." I pushed him aside and went on my way through.

Hiro Sensei and Kuromaru were both intensely looking at food packs, debating which ones they should get for their trip.

"I like the onigiri in this package, though. The other ones sucks." Kuromaru told sensei. He was sounding completely serious.

Rolling my eyes, I picked out a package and handed it to them. "If you're going to bicker and actually [i]debate[/i] what food to bring, at least being the quickest meal with the largest portion. It may not taste great, but that's what you get for not making your own food."

Kuromaru smiled with appreciation. "Thank you, Mariko-chan. This helps out a lot. But we'll miss your cooking on our trips. It won't be the same."

My face became a little flushed, but I kept my aloof expression. "Well, I'm sorry you'll miss it. If you would have stayed, I would have invited you to eat over at my place." I retorted.

He laughed. "You liar."

Sensei smiled, observing our conversation. "Either way, we'll all miss you. Your cooking or not, we like your presence."

I looked to sensei. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Sensei, but you will not swindle me. I'm simply here to help you decide on what to pack for your trip."

I went over to the bait section without another word.

Masato stood close by in the fishing rod section. He paid no attention to me. I looked back to the live larvae, observing them all.

Finally, it was departure time. All I wore was my civilian clothing, wearing my hair in a ponytail.

Masato was check-listing that they had everything as Kuromaru hung around me and Sensei just simply watched.

"You sure you don't want to go? We'll wait while you go pack. It's not a problem." He suggested.

I smiled, shaking my head. "No, I'm not going to unpack again."

He grinned. "I saw your puppy-undies. You might as well go."

I frowned, full of embarrassment. "Well… Shut up. I'm not going and that's final." I explained. I felt so stupid now.

He sighed, then patted my head and petted it a bit. "Alright, if that's your final answer."

He removed his hand from my head, crossing his arms. "I expect a hardy meal when I come back, though. Strawberry filled onigiri and all."

I smiled. "It's the least I can do. Now just go before the sun comes out and starts frying you. Then I'll have to listen to you complain about your sun burn."

"Okay, then. Don't miss us too much." Kuromaru turned around to give Sensei a heads up that he was ready and Masato gave him a response as well, signaling they had everything.

"We'll see you Friday morning, alright, Mariko?" Sensei told me.

I nodded. "See you all then. Be careful, alright?"

Kuromaru and sensei both smiled. Masato just looked over to me with a blank expression, then back to the things to double check.

Ignoring Masato, I turned around and headed back to the village.

I felt their chakra disappear the farther I walked. Finally, they were out of my hair for a week.


	2. Chapter 2

"Why can't I even do a level C mission?" I questioned, looking to the Sandaime.

"Your Jōnin won't be around for a week. I do this as a precaution. I hope you understand, Aihime-san." He apologized.

I shook my head, "That doesn't make any sense to me. My cell will be promoted to Jōnin in the matter of two weeks, but yet I can't do a B mission myself? If I'm Jōnin material, then I should be able to handle it myself, am I not right?"

The Third closed his eyes, interlocking his fingers. "Please understand, Aihime-san. I am not questioning your ability one bit. You are an exceptional kunoichi, even at your age. But I have my word to keep to Takahashi-sans' wishes."

I gritted my teeth, but sustained myself. I had to keep my composure in front of our great Hokage. "Hokage-dono, I respect that you keep my sensei's word, but please, allow me a B mission. I am a member of this village and I want to participate in all activities. I just can't sit back and allow myself to let others do what I could."

The Hokage smiled. "I appreciate your patriotism, but aren't you supposed to be on vacation? Relax. How about this. I'll give you a week long mission that will end just before your cell comes back. It's not too easy or too hard, and you'll be able to help the village."

I groaned. "A D-rank mission…" I mumbled over my breath.

I stood in front of a foreign door. I've never really ventured this part of the village. It wasn't much different from the rest, but still different none the less.

Just before I knocked, the door opened.

An ANBU Black Ops ninja peered from the door, with their mask on.

As soon as they realized it was me, they immediately removed their animal like mask to reveal a man in his mid twenties with light brown hair. He looked quite tired.

He smiled and opened the door wider for me. "Oh, please come in." He insisted. I did as he told me and I looked around.

There wasn't much but your bare necessities. Couch, table, fridge, and the rest of it.

"I'm so happy that Hokage-dono is allowing us a free-be. We really need it. Thank you so much for doing this." He praised.

I smiled to him. "No problem. It's perfectly understandable."

I saw in the corner of my eye another ANBU ninja, unmasked. She was beautiful with long, silky black hair and perfectly gorgeous blue eyes. But they looked tired. She smiled when she saw me.

"Oh, you're here. It puts me at ease knowing it is you taking care of everything. I hear much about you." She said.

I blushed a bit, smiling shyly. "It makes me feel honored to have ANBU acknowledge me. Thank you."

She smiled, "No need for that. Anyway, if you'll follow me."

She turned around and started walking down the other hall, and I followed.

She showed me to a room filled with all kinds of plushie-like toys. The walls were painted light blue and there were pictures of chibi animals like tigers and dogs.

Just the room itself made me feel like a child.

I looked to the crib when I heard rustling.

The woman walked over to the crib, leaning down and then stood straight back up, holding something. She turned around and I saw a tired little baby girl cradled in her arms.

She came over to me, handing her daughter over to me.

I felt strange as soon as I reached for her, considering I've never really held a baby before. When I had her in my hands, I delicately placed her in my arms and cradled her. It felt so strange.

"She woke up about fifteen minutes ago. A little bit earlier than normal, but she should be fine."

She walked passed me and went over to the changing station. "This is where you'll be changing her. There are specific instructions everywhere for her feeding, bathing, napping, and everything else. You'll do just fine."

I looked to her with uncertainty. If there was one thing I was uncertain of, it was little humans.

"Aihime-chan, you want children one day, yes?" She inquired.

I blushed. No one has ever asked me nor had I thought about it much.

"I do, but I don't have much experience… To be honest, I never really had any association with anyone younger than myself."

She smiled, her face looking delicate. "I'll trust you with my daughter. She will give you some experience. Now, I have to get going."

She came over and kissed her sleepy daughter on the head with loving care.

She proceeded to turn around and left without another word, leaving me stand there like an idiot with someone else's baby.

After an hour, baby Emiko had become more aware. So, she cried.

I have no idea as to what to do.

I held her up in the air as she wailed, making me panic. "What's wrong? Are you hungry? Do you want to go back to bed? What's wrooooong?"

Suddenly, there was an awful stench that made me gag for a moment.

"Oh no… Already? I've only had you an hour and I already have to change your diaper? What's wrong with this?"

I whimpered, holding Emiko out as I made my way to her room and laid her down on the changing station. I took a moment to collect myself. _I can do this…_ I mentally told myself.

I took a straight shot for the safety pin, but regretted it instantly.

The stench was over whelming. I took a step back.

Emiko's cries were growing more quite, but still, they were there and she still had a problem.

I read the instructions, carefully reading them.

"I have to touch it…?" I questioned.

This was officially horrible. I didn't want to do this anymore. I knew I had to, though. I had embarrassed myself in front of the Hokage, I wasn't about to dishonor him now.

As the instructions had suggested, I followed them to the T.

I finished and Emiko was finally clean and did not smell of anything so wretched anymore. As disgusting as it was, I had to put the soiled cloth into the washer and wash it. Thank goodness for technology. I would have dreaded washing it by hand. Why don't they just make disposable diapers? Out of sight, out of mind.

Emiko fell asleep in my arms a few hours later, allowing me to put her into her crib. It was just a few minutes before her nap, anyways.

I sat in the rocking chair in the corner of the room, solely focusing on the sleeping Emiko.

Ten minutes passed and I eased my intensity. Where was she going to go? The corner of her crib?

I shook my head, finally relaxing a bit. I was making this a bigger deal than it was.

I watched the silent Emiko sleep. Her face was calm and sullen.

I curled up in the chair, my knees to my chest.

Emiko was completely innocent. She couldn't hurt anyone. How could she? She seemed as delicate as glass.

For someone so unaware of everything, she certainly puts me on edge.

Sighing, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

The crying started up again, waking me up and putting me in a groggy state.

I stood up and wobbled over to her crib, leaning down and picking her up. As soon as she was close, her little hand squeezed my boob.

My eyes grew wide as I squinted. "Oh, gawd… Please don't do that..."

I put her out away from me again, making my way to the kitchen and opened the fridge door.

The whole top rack was filled with bottles. I picked one up and cradled the fussing Emiko in my arms, putting the nipple of the bottle to her lips. She batted it away, making more of a fuss.

"What? You grabbed for my boob! You gotta be hungry." Shaking my head, I closed the fridge door and saw the instructions for feeding her.

"Are you serious? I have to warm it up?"

It kind of made sense, but this was staring to become irritating.

I boiled some water and put the bottle in the water, waiting for it to warm up as Emiko wailed. I tried calming her down by bouncing my arms a bit. I'm not really sure why I did that, but I just did. It managed to work a bit. Her face wasn't as flushed as it was.

I pulled the bottle out, testing its temperature on my wrist. It was skin temperature.

I put the nipple of it back to Emiko's mouth and she gladly accepted it, letting me sigh with relief. I went back to the nursery and sat in the rocking chair, letting Emiko feed.

She looked at ease as she suckled the nipple of the bottle.

I couldn't stop but imagining myself with my own child now. Would it be like this? Half of the time being hell but then also be wonderful as this?

I didn't know what to expect.

I tried to push the thought out of mind. I shouldn't be thinking about children now. I'll be a Jōnin soon, I shouldn't be distracting myself with something I shouldn't worry about till I'm at least twenty or twenty one, not sixteen.

The thought never drifted away, it stood firm in my mind.

My mother came to mind. It reminded me of how my mother always tells me how she couldn't go on with her shinobi career because I was born. She was scared to leave me be, especially after my father's death after I was born.

Would I be like her? Give up my kunoichi way because of my children? Or could I be like Haruki, Emiko's mother, and continue it? I want to continue and do something great, but after spending just a day with Emiko, I'm worried. I'm worried that I'll end up like my father and could disappear from my child's life.

I cringed at all the thoughts. I stared back to Emiko. She was causing me a lot of trouble.

Four days passed and already I was terribly exhausted. I would have never known how much trouble or energy a baby really was if I never took this assignment.

Now, instead of gagging, I've gotten used to the smell. I've found out what each cry meant now, when she was hungry, full diaper, tired, or just cranky. I even found out how to make her laugh a little now.

My mother stopped by the other day and explained she was only a couple months old, so it was going to be tough for Emiko to know what's going on at all. So it was a surprise to me that she laughs.

Emiko stared blankly at her hands, waving them a bit, watching carefully.

I giggled a little bit. "You're so adorable."

I sensed Haruki's and Arata's chakras and got to my feet, cradling the curios Emiko in my arms.

Moments later, Haruki and Arata came into the front door, both tired.

Haruki held her arms out to embrace her child.

Somewhat reluctantly, I handed her over and Haruki cradled her.

Arata made it over to me, smiling wearily. "I hope she wasn't too much. I thank you."

I shook my head. "No need for thanks. I was happy to do it."

Haruki looked over to me, smiling. "It looks like you did a great job. How about if I offered to have you as our normal baby sitter? We'll pay you of course. We just need to get back on our feet. I haven't gone on a mission for a whole year until now."

I blinked a couple times. I didn't know what to say. I looked down to Emiko, who was staring at her blanket that she was wrapped in.

I smiled. "I wouldn't be able to turn that offer down. I'd be honored to watch over Emiko whenever."

Haruki smiled. "I'm glad to hear that."

I went straight home and fell asleep on the couch.


	3. Chapter 3

I waited at the meeting spot Sensei told me to be for when they returned. They were later than anticipated.

I wondered how I would greet them. Should I be all bubbly and happy? Casual and act like I didn't miss them?

Sighing, I unfolded the cloth full of bento boxes, laying them out on the bench for where each one would sit. Obviously, I sat Masato farthest away at the end, then Hiro Sensei, then Kuromaru next to me.

All were individually wrapped by themselves. Each cloth had its own personality to fit them.

Kuromaru's bento had little trees on it with birds. Hiro Sensei's had dogs on his. And last, reluctantly, I decided to be fair to Masato. His bento had shurikens and a light blue background. I could have given him a crow cloth, but I decided to be nice.

After ten more minutes of waiting, they were in sight.

I repulsed at their sights. They were covered in mud and leaves.

Kuromaru dropped his things when he saw me, and rushed to me.

He put me in a head lock, ruffling my hair. "Ya miss me?"

I struggled to get away, laughing. "Stop it! You're dirty and gross!"

He released me, smiling to me. "Wow, me and Sensei were completely convinced you would show up at the campsite while we were gone or something and cook us up something, but you never did! Masato was the only one who said you wouldn't come."

I glanced over to Masato, then back to Kuromaru and smiled wildly. "Well, I had my hands full. I was taking care of a little angel."

He cocked an eye brow, "A little angel? And what was that?"

My face flushed. "Emiko. A baby. I took care of her this whole time."

Kuromaru looked happy. "So you can take care of babies now?"

Nodding, I added. "Yeah, it's hard, but amazing at the same time."

He grinned. "Does it make you want one?" He teased.

My smile turned to a frown. I turned around and picked up his bento and slipped it in my bag. "Well, looks like you're not getting that hardy meal."

I looked to Sensei and Masato. "You two can eat."

Sensei gladly went over to the bench as he chuckled, mocking Kuromaru.

Masato hesitated, but then sat by Sensei and picked up his bento, and started eating.

"You're missing out, Kuromaru." Hiro commented, eating some of his sushi.

Kuromaru whimpered. "What'd I do?"

I turned away from him, sitting by Hiro and opened my bag back up, pulling Kuromaru's bento out and laid it on my lap.

I stared intently at him as Kuromaru practically drooled.

"You don't tease Mariko-chan, Kuromaru-kun." Masato commented.

I looked over to Masato, confused a little bit. He never says anything like that about me. Maybe this trip has changed him a little bit.

I looked back to Kuromaru, my arms crossed.

"Mariko-chaaan! I'm sorry for what I said. I take it back." Kuromaru pleaded.

I smiled, scooting over to where I was going to originally sit and held Kuromaru's bento out to him.

He smiled, and took it and sat by me, opening his bento to reveal his forvorites.

He looked down to me, beaming. "Thank you, Mariko-chan. It looks delicious."

He went straight to eating it and I beamed as they all enjoyed their meals.

They all finished their bento's and Masato and Hiro got up to gather their things and go home.

"Kuromaru, I'll tell your mother you'll be home soon, okay? I'll go ahead and bring your things there, alright?" Sensei said to him.

Sensei looked to me. "And thank you, Mariko-chan, for the meal. It was great. See you all tomorrow."

Sensei left and Masato seconds later.

Kuromaru looked down to me, grinning up a storm. "So, how was the baby sitting? Anything interesting happen?"

I smiled, my face flushing. I felt like a total girl. Maybe it was a good thing, but still embarrassing.

"It was amazing, but soooo tiring at the same time. Emiko cried a lot, but then I would find out why she was crying and I was able to make her stop. It made me feel great that I could do that. I made her laugh, too. Not much, though, but still, it was great. I can't wait to watch her again. It's so exciting!"

I didn't realize how badly I was just beaming until now. I quickly coiled into myself.

"Oh, gawd, that was embarrassing… I'm sorry. I shouldn't get all out of composure because of something so silly… I'm a kunoichi and I'm fretting over a baby…"

Kuromaru chuckled and rubbed my back a bit. "It's understandable. Really, it is."

I looked up to him, trying to hide my smile. There are so many times when I'm just tempted to put my head in the crevice of his neck and just stay there. This was one of those times.

Kuromaru sighed.

"Anything wrong?" I asked. My beaming faded into worry.

He shrugged. "Masato is really upset that you still hate him. You know, Masato really likes you. Like, _like_ likes you."

I looked off to the side. "Oh… I didn't know it bothered him that much…"

"Why don't you give him a chance? He's actually pretty cool." Kuromaru pointed out.

"I'm trying to be nice now." I muttered.

"But will you give him a chance? As in, any possibility of you two-"

I stopped him mid sentence. "No! Not like that. I will not allow myself to fall for someone like him. I already-"

This time, I stopped myself.

I was digging my own grave now.

I got up, "I'll be nice to Masato, but he isn't in my agenda."

Kuromaru looked down and sighed again. "Mariko-chan…" He looked up to me. "Please. Please try."

"No, Kuromaru, I won't. There aren't even supposed to be personal relationships between cell members. It's hard enough to keep it that way as it is."

He looked down and sighed, then got up, looking down at me. "One date and that's it. Just one."

I looked down, gritting my teeth. "Fine. One. That's it."

Kuromaru's chakra dissipated and left me standing there, alone.

Kuromaru had apparently informed Masato that I would go on a date with him, because Masato was at my front door wearing his family's traditional clothing.

"Oh, gawd, you're making the occasion _special_?" I asked.

"Well, yes, I am." He said.

I still didn't appreciate his attitude.

Sighing, I said, "Well, let me get dressed, then."

I slipped into a plain brown kimono with little design on it. Nothing flashy at all.

I came back out, and his expression was a little disappointed. "What?" I asked.

"Well, I would have liked to see your hair all the way down."

I looked to the sigh, then back to him. "Alright. You win." I reached for my ponytail and took the ribbon from my hair, letting my hair down.

He smiled. Something I never see.

"Alright, then, we can go."

Masato took me out to eat at the fanciest place he could find and let me order anything off of the menu. I just ordered some fried rice with some teriyaki chicken dumplings on the side.

The whole time, I never said a word. I honestly tried my best to think of something to talk about, but nothing came up. We just ate in silence.

Now, we were walking in the park.

Still, no conversation. Not from my end, at least.

"How close were you to the… Other guy." He suddenly asked.

I didn't stop walking, even though I knew I should stop in Yori's memory and from the pain it brought back.

Reluctantly, I opened my mouth. "Yori and I were close. I may have had a small crush, but I never let myself get too close to make that feeling any stronger. Instead, I admired him. He was truly going to be something great and I wanted to be next to him every step of the way. If anything, he was a big brother and I wanted to be his little sister that always said, "Nii-san, that's amazing!" or "Nii-san, you're so cool!""

I paused, taking a deep breath. "Yori-san was someone who everyone was proud to know."

"Is that why you hated me? Because I replaced his greatness and just a disgrace?" He asked.

"I'm not going to lie. I still think that. I don't think I'll ever get over it. My big brother died and it's something that I may never get over. I don't want to get over it, it'd feel as if I were betraying him. I know he'd want me to move on, but I'm not. And even if I were to, I'm not ready to."

I looked up to Masato. He looked crushed.

"I'll never have a chance in your life. No matter what aspect it is."

He said it as if he'd made himself realize it.

It was silent between us as we walked.

"What about Kuromaru-kun? Do you have feelings for him?" He asked.

I crossed my arms under my chest, rubbing the other arm.

"Why don't you tell him?" He inquired.

I pursed my lips. "There should be no personal relationships between cell members."

"Mariko-chan, they told me what happened to your father. Don't make things up to just close yourself off. You're doing the same thing to me. You're hurting yourself."

I shook my head, stopping. "I don't need you to lecture me…"

He stopped and turned to me. "If you want to do something, just do it. You're only stopping yourself from living your life. Don't dedicate yourself to solely the shinobi way. It's lonely and only leads you to nothing but wars and you're letting those wars rage on yourself. Don't hold yourself back.

"Kuromaru can't do anything until you do something. Just tell him. Trust me. He knows how you feel. And you know what? He feels the same exact way. Don't let the past overrun your life. You'll always be stuck."

I stared at him, wide eyed. I didn't know what to say or think. Everything he said was true. I was letting the past take over.

I felt my body shake a bit. What was wrong with me? I felt pathetic. No, I was pathetic.

I fell to my knees and started sobbing, burying my face into my hands.

Masato crouched next to me, rubbing my back. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to make you cry…"

I was sobbing hysterically now.

I wanted to just die now. I wanted someone to slit my throat and just end it all. I was worthless. I'm pathetic.

"Kill me… Kill me…" I demanded him. I practically screamed it.

As crazy as I sounded, I wanted to die. I was a horrible shinobi. I shouldn't be allowed to live.

Suddenly, my awareness started to decrease rapidly and soon, I couldn't open my eyes or know what was happening.

When I woke up, I felt sick. I sat up, my head wanting to bob every which way. I held my stomach, wanting it to settle down.

"How you holding up?" Kuromaru's voice asked.

I tried to look at him, but my vision was blurred.

I looked away to the wall next to me. I was remembering what had happened before I passed out. Masato probably told Kuromaru each and every detail. Actually, I know he did.

I stared at the wall until my vision cleared. When it did, I looked to Kuromaru.

"I'm sorry, I-"

Kuromaru butted in. "Sorry about messing up your date by falling and hitting your head? What for? You're just weird."

He was smiling away. Like he knew nothing.

I pursed my lips, tears forming in the corner of my eyes. I was so tired of crying. I felt so weak.

Kuromaru placed his hand on my wrist, rubbing it. "It's ok. You gave it a try and I'm thankful for that. Really, I am."

A tear dripped off of my chin and he wiped the excess from my cheek. "No need to cry over a boy."

Kuromaru stood up and left my room, trading off with Hiro Sensei.

Sensei sat in the chair where Kuromaru was.

I looked away.

"You've been out for twelve hours." He said.

I said nothing.

"Masato had to knock you out somehow, so he gave you a paralysis. It makes you kind of sick, if you haven't noticed."

"He's a bad ninja for only limiting his supplies like that…" I muttered.

"I see you're back to normal, though." He said. He continued. "Kuromaru has been by your side all twelve hours, waiting for you to wake up."

"Masato told him…" I mumbled.

"Told him what? There's nothing that no one already knows."

I looked to Sensei. "You make it sound like it's obvious. Is it?"

"I'm out of my boundaries. Then again, I have been. Kuromaru-kun is really lucky. He's your age and you're the model woman. In fact, I'm jealous."

I said nothing, I just stared.

He went on. "There is definitely a downfall to being so close in age to your pupils. You get close, and then things happen. It's hard. You try to keep yourself away."

I tilted my head. I was confused now. What was Sensei talking about?

He saw my confusion and smiled, getting up. "Well, you'll be on bed rest for a few days until the poison passes. I think you should seriously think things through."

He left my room, closing my door.

I didn't know what to do anymore. What was there to be done?


	4. Chapter 4

Sensei, Kuromaru, and Masato left on a mission. Kuromaru visited me beforehand and told me bye and when he comes back, he wants some of my strawberry filled onigiri.

I can slowly feel myself become more and more useless. I haven't done a single jutsu in two weeks. Neither have I sparred with anyone.

I can't really get up without wanting to barf. I'm just fine sitting up, though.

I never really took the time to gain immunity to poisons. Now I regret it.

Mom came into my room with a tray full of food.

She gave me the tray and I started eating.

"So what are you going to do, hun?" She asked.

I shook my head. "This is ridiculous. You know, too? I don't know. I really don't know. I would just like to go out on a mission and have some fun or something."

Mother nodded. "Yeah, that'd be nice, wouldn't it?"

I could tell she missed going on missions, too. But now, it's too late for her. She doesn't even know how to use chakra anymore. It's like she forgot how to ride a bike.

"You know I want to tell him… But I'm scared he won't want me." I admitted.

"Don't be worried about that, honey. That boy stayed by your side for twelve hours just to greet you when you woke up and to make you feel better."

"I hid it for almost three years. How can I just suddenly tell him how I feel out of the blue?"

"It's not out of the blue. You are growing up. You should know what you want. Let yourself have it."

I fumbled with my fingers. Mother sighed. She knew I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Well, you eat up, alright? I'll see you in the morning." She got up and left my room.

I fumbled my fingers, like I pondered my mind.

I wanted to tell Kuromaru how I felt, but I was so scared. I didn't want to end up like mother, but yet I didn't want to end up with someone I wouldn't be happy with. Then again, if I were to be with him, I don't want my child to be like me.

Masato's words echoed in my mind.

I shouldn't let my past interfere with my life. It's just silly.

Then again, it could save me a lot of pain in the long run…

I gripped my fist, digging my nails into my fist.

"No… I won't run anymore… I'll tell him when he gets back. I will do it." I told myself.

I smiled to myself, feeling proud.

Two days have passed and the poison had finally left my system.

Mother left the subject alone. Thank goodness.

I was waiting by the village gates, being careful to search for their chakras.

A chakra source was nearby, but it wasn't anyone from my cell.

I looked to see Kakashi Hatake. Just at his site, I stood up and bowed. "Good morning, Hatake-sama."

"Oh, good morning, Mariko-chan." He greeted in return.

I looked back up to him, seeing him in his ANBU uniform.

"Oh, you're going on a mission alone, I see." I pointed out.

He put his hands in his pockets. "Yes, I am."

He looked around for a moment, then back down to me. "Where's your squad?"

I flushed in embarrassment. "They went on a mission… I'm, um, waiting for them to come back… I couldn't go because I was stupid and got poisoned… By my own team mate…"

"Well, was it meant to kill you?" He questioned.

"No, it wasn't."

He chuckled. "Well, then, that is certainly something."

There was an awkward silence for a moment, but then he broke the silence.

"Your team shouldn't have left you for a mission. They should have stayed with you until you were well again. Then again, that is just my opinion."

I fiddled with my thumbs, sighing. "Well, it's alright. I've been kind of distant from them lately. It's my own fault."

"Oh? Well, your cell is your family. Even through the roughest times, you have to stick together. You feel their pain and they feel yours. If you're happy, they're happy. What are you?"

Still, I fumbled, looking to my feet. "Lonely…" I muttered.

I looked up to Kakashi, my face saddened by the burden I felt.

"Then your family is lonely. Bring yourself closer and they will gladly accept you." He said.

Smiling guiltily, I said, "You're right. They feel what I feel. I'll fix everything." I wrapped my arms around him, "Thank you, Hatake-sama!" I said in a cute voice.

At first, he didn't respond, than he did by patting my head. "I'll try to be around when you need something."

I let him go, smiling. "Well, I've been holding you over long enough. Go on your mission and be careful."

"Oh!" I turned around and leaned down to pick up my bento that I was going to eat with my cell and picked it up. I raised it up to Kakashi. "Here! Take this along your journey. I want the box back, though."

Kakashi accepted my offer, "I'll eat it with you in mind. Now, I must go."

He turned around and leapt off, waving as he did so.

My stomach rumbled and I whimpered. "Uh-oh…"

An hour passed and I was finally able to sense their chakras.

But, one of theirs was barely readable. But, I didn't know who it was.

Inside, I was freaking out. Who was it?

I ran to the village gates, seeing images in the distance.

The figures were in sight. Kuromaru was beside Hiro Sensei, an unconscious Masato on his back.

I ran to them, stopping in front of them, acting frantic. Sensei never stopped.

"What happened!" I yelled out.

Kuromaru looked pained to say anything. "They got the better of us. We have to get to the hospital and quick."

I turned back to Masato and Sensei, who were twenty yards away now. I could see a large flesh wound on Masato's back. I stared in fear.

This wasn't right. Why Masato and why now? Why couldn't it have been me?

Everything was just starting to sort out, and this happens. I'm finally being nice and

Guilt was spoiling over me as I watched Sensei carry Masato off until he started jumping building to building. Kuromaru followed when I just stood there, right at the village gates.

I sat in the waiting room, staring blankly at my lap. Kuromaru sat close by.

The medical shinobis have to stop the bleeding and extract the poison from him. The chance of him living is slim to none.

I looked to Kuromaru. He looked blank in his expression. What was going through his mind?

"What happened out there?" I asked.

His expression did not change. "He saved me from the enemy… I was so close to dying, but Masato took the hit and Sensei took the enemy out…"

He looked over to me, tears welling up in his eyes. "He's going to die. He's going to die because of me!"

I bit my lip. The last time I saw him like this was when Yori died.

I wrapped my arms around him. "He won't die. He'll live. We're all family, right? He won't leave us. I promise. He can't leave us." I assured, tearing up.

I couldn't stand this. I don't think I could handle another cell member dying and seeing Kuromaru like this again. This was all just a repeat. Masato will die just like Yori did and there will be another replacement, then the cycle will happen again.

Why can't anything ever go right? Why can't I ever have things go smoothly? I try to change things and I just go ten steps back.

This life as a shinobi; was it really worth this pain? Seeing all of your friends die and go through it multiple times?

Not again. I won't go through it again. I can't continue like this.

Kuromaru wrapped his arms around me, holding tightly and cried into my neck.

This was happening all over again.

Finally, the sign turned off and the doors opened. Sensei came out.

I jumped up and went to him, grabbing his sleeve, my eyes filled with desperation.

Sensei had the same blank expression Kuromaru had.

He looked to Kuromaru, then back to me. He put his hand on the side of my shoulder. "Whatever happens, everything will be okay."

Tears welled up in my eyes, I bit my lip and tasted iron. "Tell me, Sensei…"

He gripped his grasp on my arm. "He fell into a coma on his own. It could be weeks before he ever comes to, if it's even possible. As of now, he's stable."

"He's going to live. I know he will. He'll live through it and we can all pick up where we left off and I can pick on him, and I can cook for all three of you, and everything will be back to normal. I know it."

I knew I was in denial. I was hoping that if I said it all out loud, I could convince myself. I didn't believe one word I said.

My feelings towards Masato weren't the same as they used to be. Now I felt closer than ever.

Did it really take something this extreme for me to accept someone? This was all wrong.

I hated myself so much. I never allowed him to be apart of my life simply because of my past, and now it's repeating. I excluded him even when he called out for me. I threw him aside like a doll. Now, he has risked his life for the person he lost to.

Sensei had guided me to the front entrance of the hospital, Kuromaru close behind. "Take her home." He told Kuromaru.

Kuromaru put his hand on the shoulder opposite of him on me and we started walking.

It was probably midnight by now. The stars were plainly visible and everyone's lights were out. Our only source of light was the moon and the stars. Still, I felt like it was too dark for my taste and letting me feel disorientated.

Kuromaru noticed halfway to my house. "Let's rest for a moment." He said, setting me on the bench by the academy. He didn't move his hand, though.

I laid my head on his shoulder. I felt so lifeless now. My head felt like it was floating.

"What are you thinking?" He asked.

For a moment, I didn't know he asked a question, than it finally clicked.

"I don't want to do this anymore." I said to him.

"Do what?"

"Suffer. I don't want to see anyone die again. I quit."

My tone was flat. There was no emotion in what I was saying. They seemed like just words to me. Then again, that's how everything else felt.

He put his free hand on the side of my head, smoothing my hair a little.

"Don't quit. I don't like that kind of talk. It's what the weak do, not a strong girl like you. You'll pull through and I know you will, no matter what happens. I'll _always_ be here for you. I will never leave your side."

My body just felt like an empty shell. I wanted Kuromaru to know how much I wanted to just end everything. At least, for now. What was I to say, though? Go away? Shut up? Leave me alone? Leave _me_?

I felt there was no use to try anymore. I tried to prevent things from repeating, but they did anyway. I knew no matter what I'd do, I'd end up back where I was.

If I quit now, then I'll just be alone and never be hurt again.

"Mariko…" He whispered out to me.

I didn't look up to him or anything. I didn't even respond.

"When I take you home, you won't do anything rash, will you?"

This time, I responded. I lifted my head and stared blankly at him. "Rash?"

I noticed my tone of voice seemed cocky. I didn't care, though.

His facial expression turned worried. "I don't want you to take it out on yourself. Like last time. You have to promise me."

The images came to mind. My most repulsive memory.

I looked away, cradling myself in my own arms, Kuromaru's hand sliding to my neck. I was able to feel my body again.

"Promises are just words…"

Kuromaru pulled me into him hard. "Don't say that! Promise me. Please."

I struggled to escape, feeling anger pulse through me now. I slipped through his grasp and stood up, gripping my fist and stood in front of him.

"Stop it! I am not going to do this anymore. I don't ever want to see you or Sensei again! I will not associate with anymore shinobi again! I'm going home and don't you dare follow."

I twirled around and started running. The further I ran, the more I regretted every word.


	5. Chapter 5

Days had passed. How many? I wasn't quite sure. I hadn't kept track. I had been sleeping most of the days away and haven't been outside much at all.

Kuromaru and Sensei haven't contacted me at all. I didn't know what to think of that. I haven't heard any recent news at all.

I was worried about Masato. I wanted to know if he was okay. I wanted to feel some relief at least.

Haruki had asked my mother if I was available to watch Emiko for the weekend, but my mother had told her I was very sick.

My curtains were closed, leaving my room nearly pitch black. I laid lifelessly in bed, just laying there.

Every time I fall asleep now, I see Yori's face smiling, than it would switch to the funeral.

I rubbed my wrist. They were tender still. I felt every tiny little bump, all making multiple lines. They stung.

I hadn't made a promise. I could do as I please. This is how I coped; letting the pain flow out through more pain.

My fingers trailed over smooth, but bumpy skin that also had formed lines. The image of Yori entered my mind.

I missed that goofy smile. The reassuring words he used to say like "Leave it up to me! I'll take care of it!" or "Everything will be fine, just believe in me!"

Tears welled up in my eyes.

I wished he was here to help me through. I wanted my big brother with me. To tell me I was silly and pat my head.

The welling of the tears turned into endless sobbing.

-The Day of Yori's Death-

"Maaaariiiiikooooo-chaaaaaan!" Yori called out.

Turning around, I groaned. "Nii-san, it's too early to be that loud. What's wrong with you?"

He caught up with me, wearing that goofy smile. "What's wrong with me? What about you? You're so boring in the mornings. Live it up!"

I stuck my tongue out at him with a bored expression. "Nyeeeh. I'm just fine, Nii-san."

He ruffled my hair. "Whatevah!"

We walked together to the meeting place where we had seen Kuromaru.

Kuromaru saw us and smiled and waved. "Morning, Mariko-chan, Yori-san." He greeted in his formal tone.

Yori and I smiled to him.

I felt a slight presence behind me and I twirled around, startled and nearly screeched.

It was Hiro Sensei.

I frowned, blushing. "Sensei! Don't do that!"

He smirked. For someone older than me, I found him extremely cute. Then again, I found a lot of guys cute. Heck, Yori and Kuromaru were cute, too. Sometimes, I felt like a total girl.

"Well, don't get scared. What kinda ninja are ya? Learn to sense my chakra if you're gonna react like that." Sensei said.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

Yori laughed. "Don't get mad when you can help it! It'd be great if you became a sensor-type. It'd be something to brag about."

I blushed a little. I wish I would stop that.

Kuromaru chuckled. "She's already something to brag about. A kunoichi that isn't a feminist and cooks for us. And she's really great at being a shinobi."

I looked away, trying to calm down. My face became beat red.

Yori laughed. "True, she's the perfect girl."

Sensei chuckled. "Alright, that's enough appraisals. We have to get to work."

We all turned our attention to our Sensei.

"We have a C-rank mission this time around. Just simply patrolling a small sector outside the village gates, nothing much. There haven't been any threats, so everything should go smoothly."

I titled my head to the side. "Aren't patrolling missions usually B ranked?"

"Usually, but things have been quiet lately. Nothing much is expected."

I smiled, "Okay, should be a breeze!"

I took a moment to inhale the fresh air and listen to the birds chirping their early morning songs.

I loved missions like these. They didn't even feel like missions, more like a relaxing time to get out and stretch.

Exhaling, I leapt to another branch and kept on.

The breeze wisped across my cheeks and it felt wonderful. This was like flying.

I couldn't wait to find out what my life as a professional shinobi would be. I wanted to be one of the best, perhaps become a part of ANBU or even a personal servant under the Hokage. Serving my village was in my best interest, as well as the rest of my team.

The squawking of crows and various other birds sounded just forty yards over.

I stopped in my tracks, listening closely.

I couldn't quite hear anything, but curiosity was starting to take effect.

I ventured closer with caution. Then I saw Yori and Kuromaru on different branches, but both facing the same way.

I noticed Yori had his hand on his shoulder, cringing in pain.

"Where did he go?" I heard Kuromaru ask, his voice full of anger.

My eyes grew wide. I didn't understand. What was going on?

I stayed low, afraid of causing any trouble.

I didn't know what to do. Where was this supposed enemy?

Yori collapsed to his knees on the branch, leaning against the trunk of the tree, groaning in pain and gripping his shoulder. I saw his jacket becoming soaked with dark red blood.

In my reaction, I leapt to a branch closer to him, yelling out, "Nii-san!"

Just before I could jump to the next branch closer to him, Kuromaru yelled in desperation, "Mariko! Stop! Mariko!"

Before it could process in my mind, I was jerked back and screamed in pain as I realized I was dangling in the air by my hair.

I heard a low chuckle. "So, this bratty girl is with you two? Well, she doesn't seem as troublesome. I'll just go ahead and dispose of her now before she _does_ cause a problem."

I wrapped my hands around my hair, pulling some of my weight off from my head, and looked up.

The man was profusely disgusting, wearing a complete body outfit and wore a Rain village headband.

He released his grasp on my hair, letting me fall aimlessly through the brush of the trees.

I watched myself getting further and further away from where I was dropped.

Kuromaru jumped towards the man, making hand signs, and his black vines protruded themselves from his sleeves and wrapped around the man.

I closed my eyes, full of hopelessness. I couldn't help but keep falling.

My body was suddenly jerked and became cradled in a pair of arms.

I opened my eyes to see Yori, his eyes full of pain.

He forced a smile, putting me down onto the ground. "Hey, everything's all gonna be okay, alright? I'm not gonna let anything happen to any of you as long I'm around. I want you to stay back. Kuromaru-kun and I will take care of everything."

He stood up; cringing in more pain, then left me to fight the enemy.

I got to my feet. Even though I was scared out of my wits, I needed to help my team. I jumped to the closest branch, making my way to the battle scene.

I stopped where I was and twisted around the trunk of the tree when Yori use his exploding fireball jutsu.

I felt so useless. They just excluded me and now I can't do anything. All I can do is watch.

I slid down the trunk of the tree, tearing up. I was so hopeless.

Sensei landed in front of me, the most serious look I had ever seen on his face.

"Mariko, stay back. In fact, leave the area. None of you can fight him. At least save yourself." He ordered.

I stood back up, feeling defensive, "But, I—"

He shook his head, "No! He is a missing nin. I'll have trouble myself. Leave and go tell the village we're under the attack of Katsuru the Yokai."

I stood my ground. "Sensei, I can't! My team—"

He glared. "This is a direct order from your Jōnin. Go, now."

I bit my lip, cringing, and took one last look at the fight. Kuromaru and Yori were both already exhausted, both still conjuring up multiple jutsus.

I looked to my feet, gripping my fists. "Yes, Sensei…"

Leaping off, tears welled up in my eyes. I was scared for my team.

"Hokage-dono! Hokage-dono!" I blurted as I burst through his doors.

He was already speaking to two ANBU shinobi.

He looked angered from my disrespect. "What is it, Aihime?" He asked.

I rushed to the front of his desk, placing my hands on the desk. "Katsuru the Yokai is attacking! My cell is fighting them right now in Sector 9 outside the village gates! You have to do something!"

He narrowed his eyes, looking to the ANBU shinobi. I looked and they nodded, leaving the room at once.

He looked back to me. "Aihime, I want you to calm down. The ANBU and your sensei will take care of everything. I can assure you that things will be taken care of."

I didn't realize I was still crying. It was getting all over the Hokage's desk. I wiped them away, and said, "I'm so sorry, Hokage-dono... I'm so scared for them… We are not ready for something like these… We're just Genin… And Nii-san is hurt badly…"

"Aihime, you have a right to be scared, but have faith. Your village is here to protect everyone. Now you just go wait at the hospital. I'm sure Yori-san will be there soon for the medical ninjas to attend to his wounds." He suggested.

I smiled, wiping the excess of my tears away. "Thank you, Hokage-dono…"

I left his office and headed to the hospital, taking my time.

When I got there, I went to the front desk, a smile on my face. I was confident Yori was already getting wrapped up by now.

The lady smiled. "How can I help you?"

"I'm here to see Yori." I told her.

Her smiled went away. She looked to the lady next to her, then back to me. "Are you a part of his cell, sweetheart?"

My smile faded; worry starting to over take me again. "Yes, I am. Where is he?"

She pointed to the hall far from us. "You'll find your sensei down there. Good luck."

I went down the hall as directed and found Kuromaru sitting on the waiting bench, the Emergency sign above the double doors was off.

Kuromaru had his head down, heads hands interlaced.

I walked closer with caution. I heard him sobbing.

"Kuromaru-kun…?" I called out.

He suddenly jerked his head up, tears pouring down his face. He jumped up and wrapped his arms around me, sobbing hysterically into the crevice of my neck.

"Kuromaru-kun…?" I repeated.

His knees slowly started collapsing bringing me down with him. Our knees touched the floor and he gripped harder.

"You're scaring me…" Regrettably, I started crying again.

"I tried to hard… But that guy was too much for us…" He muttered through his sobs.

I saw Sensei standing beside us. I looked up to him, full of confusion and tears pouring down my face. "Sensei… Where's Nii-san…?"

Sensei looked off to the side. "Yori did what he had to. He kept the village safe."

My eyes grew wide, all kinds of emotions flooding me.

"Is Nii-san… Gone…?" I asked, one last time.

Kuromaru gripped my shirt harder.

I burst out into a hysterical scene, sobbing and screaming as loud as I could, wrapping my arms around Kuromaru, crying it Kuromaru's neck like he was into mine.

I didn't care if we looked like babies. My best friend was dead.


	6. Chapter 6

I stared at my cereal, watching it become soggy slowly sink to the bottom of the milk.

Mother left to go on some errands. I think she was just getting tired of seeing me mope. It's been a total of two weeks since the incident.

I heard a knock on the door.

For a moment, I just sat there. Then they knocked again.

Reluctantly, I picked up my lifeless body and moved towards the front door.

I opened it and saw it was Kakashi.

He looked surprised for a moment. "Mariko-chan, um, good morning."

I raised my hand and straightened my hair a bit, feeling embarrassed. "Oh, um, good morning, Hatake-sama. What are you doing here?"

He raised the bento box. "I came to return this. It took me awhile to get around to finding your address after my week long mission."

I went to reach for it, but he retracted. "May I come inside?" He asked.

I looked at him for a moment, deciding whether it was a good idea.

Maybe I needed some real human interaction other than my mother nagging me to eat.

I stepped aside, "Come on in."

He stepped inside and I took him to the living room, having him sit on the couch. I took the bento box and took it to the kitchen, putting it in the sink. I went to the hall way for a brief moment, fixing my hair real quick. I see why Kakashi freaked out when he saw me. The bags under my eyes were almost black and I was pale as can be.

I went back to the living room sitting by Kakashi. "How was your bento?"

By the look in his eyes, he was smiling. "It was delicious. Edamame is my favorite."

I smiled halfheartedly. "That's good… I'll keep that in mind if you ever want me to make you something before you go on a mission."

He interlaced his fingers. "I'll cut to the chase. Kuromaru-san asked me to speak with you, and to tell you about Masato's status."

I looked away. "I should have known…"

"Masato woke up yesterday morning. He's going to live. On the other hand, the poison he got permanently closed off his chakra path ways. He'll never be able to use chakra again."

I looked to him, looking guilty. "He can't be a ninja anymore…?"

"I'm afraid that's the truth of it all." He admitted.

I rubbed my hands together. "I see. At least he's okay…"

"What about you?" He asked.

I didn't look at him. "Look, I'm tired of being hurt. I'm stopping where I am and quitting. No use in continuing when I know things will repeat themselves. Masato may have lived, but it was the same thing as last time. Like last time, I wasn't there. I saw Kuromaru cry. I want my past life to go away and let me restart and never haunt me again."

"Mariko-chan, may I suggest something?"

I looked at him through the corner of my eyes. "And what do you suggest?"

"I think you should go to Kuromaru. I think you two have a lot to talk about."

I shook my head. "No. I'm perfectly happy now. I know Masato is okay. That's all I need. I don't need to see him Kuromaru. He's not in my future agenda. As much as I care for him, I can't allow myself to be friendly with anymore shinobi. It's just digging yourself a never ending hole of suffering."

He looked at my arm, making it plainly obvious that he was looking at them. "By the looks of it, you're not happy."

I crossed my arms.

"I know I'll be out of line when I say this, since Kuromaru-san didn't tell me anything to do other than to tell you Masato's status and to talk to Kuromaru himself, but Kuromaru has you in his future agenda. He has since you all graduated from the academy. He respected your wish to have some room, but did you really think he wouldn't chase after you? And he wouldn't give up a girl with such great cooking skills. He'd be an idiot to let some other guy have you."

I pursed my lips, wincing to fight back tears. It didn't work.

"I'm so sick of crying… I'm always crying… As soon as I attach myself to someone, I always find myself crying… Why am I so weak…? A shinobi should never show their emotions… I just can't…"

The tears were strolling off of my chin and it turned into light weeping.

I turned my head back to Kakashi. "Hatake-sama… May I…?"

He raised his arm and I placed my head on his chest and let myself bawl.

I cried fairly hard for about ten minutes, than I started calming down. After another ten minuets, I lifted my head and wiped the tears away. "Thank you… I really needed that..."

He stood up, looking at his ANBU uniform. "Well, I ought to go to the Hokage's office to receive my new mission."

I got up. "Hold on. Lemme make you something real quick. As thanks."

I went to the kitchen and quickly made some Edamame and two onigiri with scarecrow faces on them, all in ten minutes. I put it in a clean bento box and wrapped it up in the shuriken cloth with the blue background. I came to the front door where Kakashi was waiting.

I handed it to him. "Here, Hatake-sama." I was smiling now.

He smiled. "I'll enjoy it. Thank you."

"Return it whenever you want another one of my meals. And Kakashi-san," I paused, looking down, than smiled back up to him, "I really am glad you came. I really do appreciate it. Thank you."

He nodded in appreciation, than left without another word.

After Kakashi left, I went straight to the bathroom and took a shower and put on the cutest dress I could find, applying some cover up for my bags. I looked like my old self again.

"Where is Masato's room? I'm his cell member." I told the woman.

She smiled. "Room 209."

I nodded in thanks and left for the room.

The door was already open and I peered inside.

Masato immediately noticed me and smiled, waving me in. "Come on in!"

I smiled, making my way into the room.

I noticed Masato was propped up in his bed to where he could comfortably sit up.

When I went to stand in front of his bed, I saw Kuromaru sitting on the couch.

For a moment, I froze, but quickly broke the light trance and smiled. "Hey, there."

He was in awe for a moment, than smiled widely.

I went to stand on the other side of bed, opposite of Kuromaru. I didn't need to be distracted.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Masato.

He shifted in his bed. "Alright, I guess. Back is killer, though."

I laughed a little, "Well, that'll get better soon, right? I'm happy that you're okay. When I heard the news, I was so relieved."

I leaned over and gave him a light hug which he gladly accepted. I released him and said, "You know, I'm changing for the better. I'm not going to let the past bite my ass for the rest of my life."

I smiled, showing the guilt. "I'm sorry for how I've been treating you the last couple years… I promise I'll be better. Really, I do. I guess it took a lot for me to realize what was wrong. Actually, I still don't really know what's really wrong, but I'm working on it."

"That's great to hear. And I promise not to be an ass myself. I didn't know how to really act when I became part of this cell right after what happened to my original cell… I was trying to cope, too." He said.

"Yeah, we just clashed heads. It's all behind us now."

I looked to Kuromaru, both smiling at one another.

I looked back to Masato. "Well, I'm bothering you right now. You should rest." I said, looking back to Kuromaru.

He stood up, putting his hands in his pockets. He was wearing his civilian clothes.

Kuromaru looked to Masato. "I'll have the nurses check up on you, alright? I'll be back tomorrow."

Kuromaru and I left the room and he told a nurse nearby that we were leaving and then proceeded to leave the hospital.

I walked close by Kuromaru as we were strolling in the park.

The whole time, he was smiling.

"Why are you smiling so much?" I asked, with a little bit of a giggle.

"Because I'm happy." He said.

He went straight for a bench, leaving plenty of room for me. I sat next to him, close as I could without being annoying.

He had his arms stretch out on the bench, one being behind me.

Kuromaru smiled down to me. "I'm happy you changed your mind and seeing me."

My face flushed. Instead of looking away, I just continued to stare at him. "Well, I've had my break. And plus, I had to get out. I can't go out without checking up on Masato, and you're just an addition and make it a package deal."

"Oh, so I'm an add on?" He teased.

It was just like the old times; teasing and silliness.

I looked down, fiddling with my fingers. "You know… I'm trying to become a better person. One that doesn't always look back on her past and drag it around with her, I want to move on. I want to do things I never thought I could, just because I was scared."

I felt his arm move closer to me. The red on my face grew brighter. I looked up to him. "You know where I'm going with this, right?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "Do I?"

My face must have been rosy red by now, "Come on, now. Don't make me say it! It's already bad enough I'm to this point."

He leaned down and gave me a kiss on my forehead. "Does that answer your unasked question?"

I couldn't help but giggle, cupping my face in my hands.

"Look, you're girly again!" He teased.

I looked at him through the crevice through my fingers, beaming underneath.

Now, his arm was around my shoulder.

"Finally!" Said a voice I haven't heard in awhile.

I looked to see Hiro Sensei. I looked at Kuromaru's arm, then back to Sensei. For some reason, it was extremely embarrassing.

He stopped in front of us, his hands in his pockets. Kuromaru didn't move an inch; in fact, he tightened his grip on me. His ego must be pretty up there.

"After what, three or four years, it finally happened." Sensei pointed out.

"You're more of an annoying brother than an uncle." Kuromaru said and chuckled.

Sensei looked down to me, smiling. "Well, it's wonderful to see you, Mariko-chan. For awhile, I thought you moved or something."

I frowned. "You liar. You knew exactly where I was. I wouldn't doubt if you checked up on me through my mother. The both of you."

They both nervously laughed.

"Hey, we care." Kuromaru said, rubbing my arm.

Sensei scratched the back of his head. "Well, I should be heading on my way. I have to go report to the Hokage that we have partial of a cell again."

I looked down. My happiness disappearing.

I totally forgot about Masato's situation. This will be the third replacement. I felt horrible now.

Kuromaru loosened his grip on me. "Do we have to get another replacement?"

Sensei sighed. "Unfortunately, yes. We have to have a four-man cell. Even if it were allowed, we wouldn't be able to function properly. Even ANBU Black Ops have four-man cells, majority. Chances are, we'll have some free time till we have a new member aboard. So, you two can go on some dates and all that stuff."

"What's going to happen to Masato?" I asked. I had to know.

"We don't know. It's whatever he decides. He'll probably have to go the civilian route. As what, I don't know." Kuromaru answered.

I fumbled with my thumbs. "Oh…"

Sensei turned half way around and waved, then left.

Kuromaru looked down to me, placing his elbow on the benches armrest and his head resting on his fist, smiling again. "So, what are you doing tonight?"

I switched from depressed to embarrassed again. "You don't know how long I wanted you to ask that question." I pointed out, smiling and rolling my eyes.

"Okay then. We're going to my house tonight."

"Ehhhh? Isn't that a little soon?" I asked, feeling nervous.

"How is it soon? You've stayed the night plenty of times." He said.

"But, that was back when we were like, seven, during the academy days and when Yori was around. Hell, back when the Fourth Hokage was still around. We haven't done that in a few years. I haven't even been to your house in two years."

"Gosh, stop fretting so much about it. It's alright, okay?"

I smiled nervously. "Okay."


End file.
